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History Jokes!

Q: Why is England the wettest country?
A: Because the queen has reigned there for years!

Q: Why were the early days of history called the dark ages?
A: Because there were so many knights.

Q: Who invented fractions?
A: Henry the 1/8th.

Q: What kind of music did the Pilgrims like?
A: Plymouth Rock.

Q. Where did medieval knights park their camels?
A. Camelot.

Q: Why did Captain Cook sail to Australia?
A: It was too far to swim.

Q: Did you hear the one about the Liberty Bell?
A: It cracked me up.

Q: What do Alfred the Great and Ivan the Terrible have in common?
A: Their middle name.

Q: Who invented King Arthur’s round table?
A: Sir Circumference.

Q: Why did Paul Revere ride his horse from Boston to Lexington?
A: The horse was too heavy to carry.

Q: When did George Washington die?
A: Just before they buried him.

Q: What protest, led by a group of dogs, occurred in 1773?
A: The Boston Flea Party.

Q: What did King George think of the American colonists?

A: He thought they were revolting!

Science Jokes!

Q. How do you know when the moon is broke?

A: When it’s down to its last quarter.

Q: Why do centipedes have 100 legs?
A: So they can walk.

Q: Why did the firefly get bad grades in school?
A: He wasn’t very bright.

Q: Did you hear about the two blood cells that met and fell in love?

A: Turned out it was all in vein.

Q. Did you hear there’s a new restaurant on the moon?
A. The food’s great, but there’s no atmosphere.

I was reading a book about helium.
I absolutely couldn’t put it down.

Q: How do trees get on the internet?
A: They log in.

Q: How do astronomers organize a party?
A: They planet.

Q: Why was the bee’s hair sticky?
A: Because it used a honey comb.

Q: Why can't you trust an atom?
A: Because they make up everything.

Q: What’s a tornado’s favorite game?
A: Twister.

Q: What’s worse than finding a worm in your apple?
A: Finding half a worm.

Q: Why was the ant so confused?
A: Because his uncles were ants.

Q: Why did the germ cross the microscope?
A: To get to the other slide.

Math Jokes!

Q: Why was the math book sad?

A:  It had too many problems.

Q: Bobby bought 98 bicycles and sold 2. What does he have now?

A: Debt.

Q. What did the triangle say to the circle?
A: You’re pointless.

Q: Parallel lines have a lot in common.

A: Too bad they’ll never meet.

Q: How can you make time fly?
A: Throw a clock out the window.

Q: Do you know what’s odd?

A: Every other number.

Q: Why did the girl wear glasses during math class?
A: Because it improves di-vison.

Q: What do you call an empty parrot cage?
A: Polygon.

Q: How can you make seven even?
A: Take away the “S”.

Q: Why didn’t the quarter roll down the hill with the nickel?
A: Because it had more cents.

Q. Why was the geometry book so adorable?
A: Because it had acute angles.

Q: How many seconds are there in a year?

A: 12 – January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd, etc.

Q: What months have 28 days?

A: All of them!

Geography Jokes!

The Amazon River is beautiful.
Did you hear they named it after a website?

Q: Why did the boy eat his geography homework?
A: Because the teacher told him it was a piece of cake.

Q: What’s the smartest state?
A: Alabama, it has four A's and one B.

Q: Where is the English Channel?
A: I don't know, my TV doesn't pick it up.

Q: What rock group has four men that don't sing?
A: Mount Rushmore.

Q: What’s the capital of Washington?
A: W.

Q: Where do you find an ocean without water?
A: On a map.

Q: Did your Geography teacher tell you what the newest US state is?”
A: No, but Alaska.

Q: Where are the best burritos served?
A: In the gulp of Mexico.

Q: What country does candy come from?
A: Sweeten.

Q: Do French Fries come from France?
A: No, Greece.

Q: How did Christopher Columbus finance his way to the new land?
A: With his Discover card.

Q: A plane crashed on the border of Canada and the US. Where are the survivors buried?
A: We don’t bury survivors.

Q: What’s smarter, longitude or latitude?
A: Longitude, because it has 360 degrees!

Grammar Jokes!

Person 1: I love u.

Person 2: Really?

Person 1: It’s my favorite vowel.

 

Q: What does an English teacher eat for breakfast?

A: Synonym Buns.

The past, present and future walk into a bar.

It was tense.

 

Q: What's another name for Santa's elves?
A: Subordinate Clauses.

 

Q: How do you spell mousetrap?

A: C – A – T

 

Q: What begins with T, ends with T, and has T in it?
A: A teapot.

 

Q: A word in this sentence is misspelled. What word is it?
A: Misspelled.

 

If you play with your alphabet soup long enough, it could spell disaster.

 

When I was young there was only 25 letters in the alphabet.

Nobody knew why.

 

My teach said, “Name two pronouns.”

I said, “Who, me?”

 

Q: What five-letter word becomes shorter when you add two letters to it?

A: Short.

Your dinner vs. you’re dinner.

One leaves you nourished, the other leaves you dead!