Q: Why is England the wettest country?
A: Because the queen has reigned there for years!
Q: Why were the early days of history called the dark ages?
A: Because there were so many knights.
Q: Who invented fractions?
A: Henry the 1/8th.
Q: What kind of music did the Pilgrims like?
A: Plymouth Rock.
Q. Where did medieval knights park their camels?
Q: Why did Captain Cook sail to Australia?
A: It was too far to swim.
Q: Did you hear the one about the Liberty Bell?
A: It cracked me up.
Q: What do Alfred the Great and Ivan the Terrible have in common?
A: Their middle name.
Q: Who invented King Arthur’s round table?
A: Sir Circumference.
Q: Why did Paul Revere ride his horse from Boston to Lexington?
A: The horse was too heavy to carry.
Q: When did George Washington die?
A: Just before they buried him.
Q: What protest, led by a group of dogs, occurred in 1773?
A: The Boston Flea Party.
Q: What did King George think of the American colonists?
A: He thought they were revolting!
Q. How do you know when the moon is broke?
A: When it’s down to its last quarter.
Q: Why do centipedes have 100 legs?
A: So they can walk.
Q: Why did the firefly get bad grades in school?
A: He wasn’t very bright.
Q: Did you hear about the two blood cells that met and fell in love?
A: Turned out it was all in vein.
Q. Did you hear there’s a new restaurant on the moon?
A. The food’s great, but there’s no atmosphere.
I was reading a book about helium.
I absolutely couldn’t put it down.
Q: How do trees get on the internet?
A: They log in.
Q: How do astronomers organize a party?
A: They planet.
Q: Why was the bee’s hair sticky?
A: Because it used a honey comb.
Q: Why can't you trust an atom?
A: Because they make up everything.
Q: What’s a tornado’s favorite game?
Q: What’s worse than finding a worm in your apple?
A: Finding half a worm.
Q: Why was the ant so confused?
A: Because his uncles were ants.
Q: Why did the germ cross the microscope?
A: To get to the other slide.
Q: Why was the math book sad?
A: It had too many problems.
Q: Bobby bought 98 bicycles and sold 2. What does he have now?
Q. What did the triangle say to the circle?
A: You’re pointless.
Q: Parallel lines have a lot in common.
A: Too bad they’ll never meet.
Q: How can you make time fly?
A: Throw a clock out the window.
Q: Do you know what’s odd?
A: Every other number.
Q: Why did the girl wear glasses during math class?
A: Because it improves di-vison.
Q: What do you call an empty parrot cage?
Q: How can you make seven even?
A: Take away the “S”.
Q: Why didn’t the quarter roll down the hill with the nickel?
A: Because it had more cents.
Q. Why was the geometry book so adorable?
A: Because it had acute angles.
Q: How many seconds are there in a year?
A: 12 – January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd, etc.
Q: What months have 28 days?
A: All of them!
The Amazon River is beautiful.
Did you hear they named it after a website?
Q: Why did the boy eat his geography homework?
A: Because the teacher told him it was a piece of cake.
Q: What’s the smartest state?
A: Alabama, it has four A's and one B.
Q: Where is the English Channel?
A: I don't know, my TV doesn't pick it up.
Q: What rock group has four men that don't sing?
A: Mount Rushmore.
Q: What’s the capital of Washington?
Q: Where do you find an ocean without water?
A: On a map.
Q: Did your Geography teacher tell you what the newest US state is?”
A: No, but Alaska.
Q: Where are the best burritos served?
A: In the gulp of Mexico.
Q: What country does candy come from?
Q: Do French Fries come from France?
A: No, Greece.
Q: How did Christopher Columbus finance his way to the new land?
A: With his Discover card.
Q: A plane crashed on the border of Canada and the US. Where are the survivors buried?
A: We don’t bury survivors.
Q: What’s smarter, longitude or latitude?
A: Longitude, because it has 360 degrees!
Person 1: I love u.
Person 2: Really?
Person 1: It’s my favorite vowel.
Q: What does an English teacher eat for breakfast?
A: Synonym Buns.
The past, present and future walk into a bar.
It was tense.
Q: What's another name for Santa's elves?
A: Subordinate Clauses.
Q: How do you spell mousetrap?
A: C – A – T
Q: What begins with T, ends with T, and has T in it?
A: A teapot.
Q: A word in this sentence is misspelled. What word is it?
If you play with your alphabet soup long enough, it could spell disaster.
When I was young there was only 25 letters in the alphabet.
Nobody knew why.
My teach said, “Name two pronouns.”
I said, “Who, me?”
Q: What five-letter word becomes shorter when you add two letters to it?
Your dinner vs. you’re dinner.
One leaves you nourished, the other leaves you dead!
The Joke Machine
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